i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize