I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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