Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize