do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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