first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
