I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
