all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
