you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
