I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
