I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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