I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
