He kissed a someone with a penis
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
