There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize