You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
