Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize