seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
