I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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