I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
