fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
