Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
