Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
