he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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