Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize