well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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