Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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