now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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