this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
