i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
