Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
