4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
