This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
