i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
