it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
