I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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