I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
