Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
