it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
