watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
