im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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