You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
