Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
