I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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