Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
