Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
