even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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