I bet he comes in French.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize