my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
