you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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