I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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