1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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