That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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