somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize