I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The Olympian is in my bed
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