I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
