STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
