Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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