Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
