Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
