when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Ketchup is God's man juice
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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