I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
