I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
