WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
