dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
