Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
