she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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