he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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