Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
