I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
