I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
