I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Randomize
