y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
