Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
