she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
