I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
