I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
