If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
