She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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