I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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