He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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