Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
