I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
