So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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