I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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