D3 body, D1 cock
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
