Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
