Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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