I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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