I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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