where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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