I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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