I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
